That's right folks, Fulltilt account has 7.60 left after my decision to have a few more goes with superturbos. Long story short, another ~500 or so in 2 days without even batting an eyelash. Scaled back to 6 tables which was so much easier after the 12-16 tabling nonsense of the double or nothings. I'm not sure if it's indifference or some poker zen thing, but I figured I'd care a heck of a lot more. I do care about the losing, it's bothering me, but not so much the monetary side of things. I don't quite get it. Comfortable I suppose? In hindsight the only mistake I see is not moving back down to the 28s nearly fast enough to recoup myself in the mid thousands. That and I continued with the 15s when I was well below 30 buyins, mostly because busting my roll isn't the end of the world, far from it. I've played long enough that I'd like to stay at stakes that are somewhat meaningful to me, and as much as I'd love to keep dropping down and down and down until I'm grinding the 2 dollar sngs day in and day out, I'd rather go out in a blaze of glory and then redepo a bunch later.

It is a bit disconcerting that this is the first time I've busted my "roll" in god knows how long, since I started "winning" *read as: not losing mostly*. I don't really count times where I had 200 bucks and was piddling around with 5/10 6max LHE, but when I was actually practicing what was very conservative bankroll management (until the shit hit the fan, obviously.) I'd like to begin again after a few days without poker and am debating whether or not to withdraw my remaining 900 or so on Stars, sit on it for about a week to mull things over and see how I do on a daily basis without some poker to fill a few hours out of the day, and go from there. Another option which came completely out of nowhere is to redownload poker tracker, throw some more into Stars, and grind NL50 which I did last night and found to be quite enjoyable. Finally, I was also looking to transfer Stars money for Tilt money so I can give the sngs another shot, but with more discipline. What I did the past two days was write down every pre flop all in hand I had, then went over them to see how often I was ahead/behind, lost while ahead, won while behind, etc, to get a sense of how I was running that day. The results were a bit surprising, especially on the busto day. I was dominated a whole hell of a lot more than I thought, and still won a fair amount. Of course won while dominating was twice, while losing while dominating was at a healthy 7, so...yknow. :) I kind of liked that though, it gave me a sense of where maybe I could tighten/loosen, and in the future maybe whether or not I pushed or called the all in, how many people left, etc, to really try and plug whatever massive leak is in my game at the moment that's causing this downswingapotamus.

Through it all I've seemed to keep a very clear head about things, which is a monster plus. Could be I'm very happy and very comfortable with how my life is at the moment (except my girlfriend being on a ship for another 4 months, grrr. We celebrated our one year anniversary with a 20 minute phone call.) I've learned to release the frustration in tiny doses as well, since I got a bit Ned Flanders during the middle of the debacle, then exploded one day. Now a little yelling here and there never hurt anyone, and makes me feel nice. Above all, in some sick weird way, I'm still really enjoying poker. I like being able to sit at the tables for a few hours and grind. Now it's a search for what I want to be grinding/what will be most profitable next, because yes, above all, it's about the money for me. I like money. I have enough of it to cover myself for quite some time, but more is always better. Even just covering a few months rent would be awesome, but really wouldn't make a big difference in the grand scheme of things. Any profit is good profit, word?

I realized I never posted my weeklyish stats from the first stages of the downswing either. Keep in mind this was split between 30s and 45s, and was actually only 5 days of playing, not 7. So awful. Enjoy.

Played :241
$ Invested: 9855
$ Won: 7978.8
Net: ($1,876.20)
ROI: -19%
ITM: 31%
$/SNG: ($7.76)
Time: 10.75
$/Hour: ($174.53)

The last day I have recorded was a day of the 15s where I played 71, and again had a -19% ROI. What's with that damn number.