I'm gonna do this in parts because a lot can happen in four days, and putting it in one post would likely exceed my attention span.

The trip started out about as shitty as you could imagine. I booked the flight late, so to get the cheapest non-stop fare I had to fly out of Philadelphia instead of my usual Newark. Since the flight was at 7:30, I had to be up and out of my apartment by 4:30am. Hardly ideal for someone like me who is normally going to bed at that time.

While on I-95 heading to the airport, my windshield gets dinged by a rock and I now have a creeper on the passenger side. The flight claims to be on time, but we board the plane and then sit on the tarmac for the next hour. We get into McCarran an hour late, and I'm waiting for my bag at the wrong carousel. I get the overly chatty cab driver who is also hard of hearing. I don't get checked in at the Mirage till after noon, local time.

I drop my bags off, stop in the cafe for a reuben (goooood sammich) and head over to the poker room. I checked out the $10/$20 game, but I recognized half the people and the other half were wearing iPods and ear pieces. I wasn't feeling up to tangling with that group yet. So...

Stop #1: $6/$12 FL (Mirage)

I buy-in for $300, and I figure I'll mix it up a little and have some fun. Only two hands of any note (translation: the only two hands I really remember):

I get [Td][4d] in the BB. A couple of limpers and a raise in LP, and I call. Flop comes AJ7. I announce "check-raise," and it checks around to the raiser who bets. I raise, the limpers fold and the bettor calls. Turn is another A. I say "check-raise" again. He bets, I raise, he calls. River is a 4. For the third time I say, "check-raise." He checks behind and shows A7 for the second nuts. He said he was positive I had AJ.

A few hands later, I get 55 in the BB. A couple of people limp, and I check my option. Flop comes Q95, two-suited. I check, first limper bets and gets raised in the CO. I 3-bet, the first bettor folds and the CO calls. Turn gives me quads. I bet, he calls. River helps no one, I bet, he calls and I flip my monstah.

Not too much of interest after that. I was far too tricky for my own good, suffered a couple beats and left with my chips in other people's stacks.

Trip Tally: -$300

It's still pretty early, but I don't feel like buying in again so I decide to take a stab at...

Stop #2: $10 Roulette (Mirage)

I get $100 in singles, and try a Martingale of sorts. I used to play a lot of table games, and my usual roulette strategy is to bet 1/4 of the wheel. It's an easily recognizable pattern on the table: 5,7,9,11,17,20,26,28,30,32. This gives you the first 10 contiguous numbers of a 00 wheel immediately after the 0. I start out with $1 on each spot...

*whiff*

...$2 each spot...

*whiff*

...$3 each spot...

*whiff*

...my last $40...$4 each...comeonbabyneedsanewpairofSHOES...

*whiff*

...rigged.

Trip Tally: -$400

Now I'm a little peeved with myself. In these situations, I find it's usually best just to call it a day and start fresh tomorrow.

I should listen to myself more often.

Stop #3: $1/$2 NL (Mirage)

I buy in for $200. Certainly not my best game, but there was nothing that could save me in this session. I get my first hand in MP, fold the first two or three until I pick up AJo in the BB. Two or three limpers, the SB completes, I check. Flop comes AJ9, two diamonds. I check, MP overbets the pot to $15, it folds to me, I call. Turn is an offsuit 6, I check again. MP makes it $50 to go and I push. He has me covered, insta-calls and flips his J9...

...9 on the river.

Trip Tally: -$600

I only traveled with $1000 in cash, so I hit the ATM for $500 before heading back to the room. I leave Dave B a message to let him know I'm in town, and ask him to call me when he gets in Friday. I trudge toward the elevators...

Stop #4: $25 Blackjack (Mirage)

"Check $300!"

It lasted longer than the roulette debacle but with the same result. I've only been in town for 8 or 9 hours, and I'm already on the ropes.

Trip Tally: -$900

In our next episode...
Find out why James Woods is cooler than Shannon Elizabeth, how to make Sammy Farha a little uncomfortable and a list of places where you can't use your cell phone.