That's how I have to sum up tonight.

Again so close, but yet so far when the big mtt cash eluded me.

Yesterday I had back to back cashes in a PLO8 (23rd) and NLHE (18th) MTT's. Buyins were both $33.

In both tournies there was nothing I could do with the hands I went out on, so there you go.

So tonight I decide to give it a go on the PLO8 again. with 15 left I was cruising with the chiplead at 150k compared to 2nd, 100k on the other table.

Then what do you think happened? The final table happened.

I would say I played faultless or very near faultless in the whole tourney. I am thinking that 1.7k is coming home to craigy, well IRCPARTY (Party handle)

Alas it didn't, my flopped straight went down to a flush, Another straight split on the river to quarter me, KK** to quad Queens him holding one along with a couple more I think.

In the end I stuck my chips in with AKJ6 and got called flopped a 6, went all in he called and knocked me out in 5th.

As you can tell with this mini-epic, I was quite pissed off. Maybe my problem was I thought the money was mine, and the players were that bad it felt like I had lost 1.3k than won $400 odd.

Ah well. I think I played really well whole tourney. The last hand is maybe debatable, but with frustration, I didn't delete my PT db, but instead I closed down party and didn't get the hand history to post up.

As far as the NLHU went tonight. I didn't play much. One player I found really tricky and with my frame of mind for some reason I just knew I couldn't beat him tonight. He wasn't special, but he is the type who will min raise your big blind with Ax, call down, fold to my raises even after showing junk. The only big pots we got into was when I decided to gamble or was behind.

Good for him, I was in such a whole I even mixed it up by reraising all in with 44 and him calling with AJ and rivered a flush. He took me for a good few buyins when I realised I werent getting them back off him tonight.

Maybe something clicked tonight. I dunno, it feels different after playing them. I am sure we have all gone through at least one of those stages in our poker careers.

The stage where something just clicked, You have unlocked a certain part of the poker vault which has opened your mind up to different approaches, ideas. You feel like a better player just like that, even though it has taken so much time, a little bit of knowledge a day.

I have had a few of these feelings. It may just be me, but I very much doubt it.

I think my lesson learnt here was, just because you're down, doesn't mean you have to keep playing and win your money back.

Ok, so a lot of the pro's write "Don't chase your money etc"

But it was different, I wasn't chasing, I felt physically fine, mentally pretty much fine, maybe a bit confused as to how to beat the guy and how he took so much from me, other than that A+.

But my brain suddenly clicked and said to me "You know what, forget about this guy for now, you don't need to worry about getting that $X back tonight"

Ok then brain.

Well, This is turning out to be a great ramble on. I was only going to blog for 5 minutes to rant about finishing 5th in the MTT.

I believe these certain stages can happen at any time and in different orders. You know, it sounds stupid and may be stupid, but I won't talk about my other "milestones" in poker. When it happens, you will know about it and when it does, it feels f*cking great. I don't want to spoil the feeling for anyone.

If however I have pretty much imagined this whole thing and it only goes on inmy head then you will never feel as great as me. ;)

Right, is there anything else to mention here? Nah don't think so. I better get off to bed, nn!!