For The Curious

[StarlightCoast]

Well I seem to still be the topic of conversation. I thought I would log in and post this as many of you seem a bit confused by what transpired. When my wife died I went thru a period of a few months where I was like the walking dead myself, drifting thru day to day life. I would do things and not remember doing them, say things I did not remember saying. It was like i was in a perpetual shock. As for poker let me make a few things clear.

As a full time player I was earning about 1 to 2k per month which for me and my wife's purposes was more than adequate and we were able to live and enjoy life. This was from online, bonuses and live tournament play. I did not report all the actual financials in my blog as there were certain things i did not wish to share with the general public and how much I would make each month was my business.

true we had no savings really and she had no insurance. The money we earned we spent as we wished to. My wife loved buying stuff for the house and I was as much of a spender as she was. It's what we liked to do, especially dinners out and stuff and while we should have been more frugal we always thought there would be time for that later on.

As for the funeral, it was my wife's wishes that there would be NO FUNERAL. She hated the thought of it, hated the thought of people mourning her death and instead wanted her friends and family to celebrate her life. i honored that request. The cremation and consequent burial was relatively inexpensive and was not an issue. She wanted the location kept secret as she did not believe in visiting graves and again her requests were honored by me

As for poker after becci died poker became uninportant to me. there were too many other things in life to focus on. A friend transferred me money on Stars in order to get me back in the game but while i played a few MTTs there the drive and the fire within for it seemed to flicker out when my wife died.

Am I playing full time anymore....hell no. Will I again at some point.....perhaps, but it will be live. With the online bannings and such even if it became legal I would not go back to online ever again. As for the knee well the 5 months off i took taking it easy and travelling did wonders and allowed it to heal on its own. I am ready to head back to the working world again. Looking forward to it actually. Will I play live poker... of course and at some point i may build the bankroll to a level where I will play full time if I want to, but if I don't it's ok. Life is too short to worry about shit like that. Live it now for today, let tomorrow take care of itself.

As for my personal life I am dating again. The first gal i eneded up with we broke up for religiuos reasons. She was a fundamentalist christian and could not accept that my beliefs differed from hers. We are still the best of friends and I am involved with someone else. I am looking forward to living life to its fullest because tomorrow may never come. After becci died I was very suicidal..... prayed for death on a daily basis and while some of you may wish it had happened, my friends helped me through the most difficult time in my life. Now it's time to live life to the fullest. Enjoy whatever time i have here on this planet and most of all be as happy as i can be. That's what my late wife would have wanted me to do more than anything else in this world.

As for you people on this forum i wish you well in your life travels wherever they may take you. Be well but most of all, be happy in your life and adventures. Peace out.

[Isaac Mikel]

Am I playing full time anymore....hell no. Will I again at some point.....perhaps

Will I play live poker... of course

EDIT: Wait...

[jimmer]

Starlightcoast,
I’m sorry to hear the news about your wife. I am also sorry to hear you have been through a bit of a rough time since. Good to hear you are now starting to focus on positive things again and I hope they eventually work out well for you.

I do not know you. I have never known you. All that I know about you is what you have written about yourself on this forum and in other blogs. I am also aware that others have talked about you on more than one occasion on this very forum, but I am not willing to judge you by their comments as I don't beleive this is fair to you.

You clearly suggest you have been through a bit of a bad time recently and I have no hard evidence to suggest otherwise. However your above explanation becomes virtually impossible to believe when you consider
1. For many years you have blogged about how you have made a living playing the micro limits.
2. For many years you have tried to convince anyone who thought otherwise that you were able to survive off a paperboys wage.
3. The fact that sharkscope and Propokerlab both suggest you play microstake tourneys and are losing at them.
4. The fact that every single piece of documentation written about yourself (whether on this site or your blogs) seems to get deleted every time someone raises point you can’t defend.

This all smells massively fishy to me. Add to the mix you always need to have the last word on any subject - it simply suggests to me that you are full of bullshit. Even recently – no one has written a single possitive word about you on this forum clearly showing you have no friends or support yet you still come back to try and justify who you are, what you’ve done or where you are heading. Your behaviour is very dissolutional and borderline psychotic. I would question whether you need to talk to someone professionally.

As I said – I don’t know you, and I’m not willing to judge someone on the information others write about you on a forum. However reading the information you have written on this forum and your blogs (before you deleted it all) & then comparing it to what you wrote above - one of them has to be a massive lie. I believe you are full of bullshit and should think closely what you are running away from and what you want to do about it. You seem to live a constant lie and the only person who loses out long term is you. You are either a very talented author who has lead many people astray over many years with wild forum posts and blogs - or you are a complete loser who needs professional help. Stop trying to be somebody you are not, stop running away from whatever shit happened when you were growing up (which clearly affects the way you behave now), stop looking for sympathy, love, nurture or warmth and start facing up to your life and responsabilities. You can't run forever.

No need to reply to this message Starlight – history has taught me not to believe what you say anyway.

Good luck with what ever you do and I hope you can start being honest to yourself even if you are not with others.

[StarlightCoast]

Anyway so long all. Poker is something to do for fun. Life is for the living. I'm living life

[miaowmiaowchowface]

livin THE life

[HalfSugar]

Anyway so long all. Poker is something to do for fun. Life is for the living. I'm living life

You'll be back, you simply can't stay away from us